theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Found the puke drawer
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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