I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
