Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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