You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
just tell him i said nine months
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
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