you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
Need sex. Gaining weight.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
