did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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