stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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