She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
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