I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Randomize
