You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
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