her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
