i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
