all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
