I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
