This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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