I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
