My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
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