i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
