I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
