we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
