its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
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