Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Randomize
