My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
MIDGETS
????
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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