hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize
