you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
