..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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