This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Randomize
