i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
