Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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