i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Randomize
