Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
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