Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Randomize
