I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
