apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
