So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Randomize
