well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
