In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
