too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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