I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Randomize
