saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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