I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
they need to just BURY HIM!
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
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