this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
