My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
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