haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
