Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
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