so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Randomize
