A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
