Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
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