dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Everclear isn't food dammit
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Randomize
