Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
