So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
